just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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