He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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