I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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