he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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