I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
