Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
