One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
