This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
