Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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