o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
