How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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