I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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