Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
