Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
