just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
