Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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