She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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