Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
