one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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