Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
