I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
