Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This baby is an asshole
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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