I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
