I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize