just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
