I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
