The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
