It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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