there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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