whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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