Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
