the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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