we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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