I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
