I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize