Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
