AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
