Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize