I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize