Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
