I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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