I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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