I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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