I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
