New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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