You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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