We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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