when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
