I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
