he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just want to make out with him forever
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
