I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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