The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
