i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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