I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
