He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
