I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize