He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
