if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
