guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I didn't notice because vodka
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
