Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
