a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
