im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
