Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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