just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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