Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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