i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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