forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
