Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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