can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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