It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
