Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
