he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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