I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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