Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
