just come out here and I will go home with you...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
