i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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