Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
