Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
