So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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