This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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