I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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