suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
