When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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