you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
