I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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