Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
