Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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