i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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