I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
