So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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