So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize