How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
