I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
