he told me I talked like a deaf person
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
