So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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