sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
