Screwed.edu
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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