I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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