i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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