Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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