Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
